I Couldn't Save My Mom.
This weekend marks the anniversary of my mom’s passing. She passed 14 years ago, when I was pregnant with my second son, long before this Covid madness.
Her death was ruled a suicide. The story is too long and unresolved to address here, but I will not ever truly believe that my mother, frail and intoxicated, held a long shotgun in her mouth and pulled the trigger…while I was very pregnant.
I’m beginning this post with the story of my mom and her untimely death because although the circumstances may seem quite different than where we are with Covid, they are not.
My mom was a highly intelligent, beautiful, and undeniably hilarious woman that always marched to the beat of her own drum. She and my dad had four children; one girl and three boys. My mother had a lot figured out early in life. She insisted on breastfeeding before it was cool, started a school to keep us from public education indoctrination, and was on a constant mission to show us where propaganda was hidden. We were never allowed to watch commercials with the volume on, and when I was 8 years old we moved to the country and had no television at all. Trips to the store were a quiz on targeting marketing techniques and toys were bought after a solid education on how we came to want said product.
Privately, she would admonish other parents we heard telling their children that they were bad boys or bad girls, explaining that developmentally those children would hear that they themselves were good or bad….not their behavior.
She was a stickler about grammar. We were never allowed to speak improperly, and our mistakes were always gently corrected. She said that if we heard and spoke it correctly, then we would never have to waste time learning the rules because we could just listen and know if it was correct. And she was mostly right. She also appreciated poetic license 😉.
My mom had a great deal of influence on who I am today.
Somewhere along the way, my mom was diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome, now known as myalgic encephalomyelitis/chronic fatigue syndrome (ME/CFS).
According to the CDC, ME/CFS “is a disabling and complex illness”.
People with ME/CFS are often not able to do their usual activities. At times, ME/CFS may confine them to bed. People with ME/CFS have overwhelming fatigue that is not improved by rest. ME/CFS may get worse after any activity, whether it’s physical or mental. This symptom is known as post-exertional malaise (PEM). Other symptoms can include problems with sleep, thinking and concentrating, pain, and dizziness. People with ME/CFS may not look ill. (source)
Later, she was diagnosed with fibromyalgia.
Fibromyalgia (fi·bro·my·al·gi·a) is a condition that causes pain all over the body, also called widespread pain. Fibromyalgia also causes sleep problems, fatigue, and emotional and mental distress. People with fibromyalgia may be more sensitive to pain than people without fibromyalgia. This is called abnormal pain perception processing. Fibromyalgia affects about 4 million US adults, about 2% of the adult population. The cause of fibromyalgia is not known, but it can be effectively treated and managed. (source)
I can’t say whether these diagnoses were accurate or helpful, as neither seemed to do anything to alleviate her discomfort. At the end of the day, she spent many years being discounted, disregarded, and bounced from doctor to doctor, none of whom seemed particularly invested in her health or healing.
I did not and cannot understand the pain, physically and emotionally, that she experienced.
But I know that I could not save her.
Perhaps that is why I have such a strong drive to plow through the bullshit and make people see what is happening now. Those of you who have been reading this stack for a while, know that in the beginning I truly believed that if I could just put together enough data…if people just read what I was reading…then they would see that these injections made no sense. Especially for their kids.
I’ve come a long way since then. There are a lot of people that are already gone. A client came in this week and laughingly told us that her husband had gone for his flu and Covid shots at Publix the night before. They had offered four additional shots to him; RSV, Hep B, Tetanus, and HPV. So he willingly took SIX shots at one time. Unsurprisingly he was “a mess” and couldn’t work the next day, which she was chuckling about. These are the people that are gone. There is no point in wasting my energy or breath, so I don’t.
Another client whom I have mentioned in previous posts, was diagnosed with stage four squamous cell carcinoma in June of 2023 by her ENT. She thought she had a sinus infection, but it was cancer that had metastasized to her throat and tonsils.
She very vocally blames taking the Covid injection for her cancer. Cancer did not run in her family until very recently. She wanted to be able to travel to see her daughter, and deeply regrets taking the injection.
She has four grown children, one girl and three boys.
Shortly after her diagnosis, she bravely underwent seven weeks of chemo and radiation while maintaining an admirably optimistic attitude.
A few weeks after completing treatment (and almost 40 pounds lighter), she came back into the studio to move her body. Color was absent from her cheeks and she was understandably weak…however she immediately explained that she was weak from the three vaccines she has been advised to take the day before.
As you can imagine, the shock was evident on my face, to which she immediately explained that “it wasn’t the Covid shot". Just flu, RSV, and pneumonia. Because her ONCOLOGIST recommended them.
I did not hide my disappointment in her oncologist’s judgement, or lack thereof. But what was done is done, and we moved on.
Within the next week she was at the doctor for steroids and antibiotics for what was very likely early pneumonia. I am sure the correlative timing to her pneumococcal injection was not noted by her physician.
I cannot imagine how difficult it is to place your trust in a system and doctor for which your life depends, and assert your disagreement about their opinions and therefore cannot, and will not, pass judgment.
The opinions of those tasked with saving lives under the Hippocratic Oath is what I am writing about today.
But first I would like to caution anyone considering a comment on this post to please keep in mind that everyone is fighting a battle that we know nothing about. This post is published with permission, and the person fighting this battle is also reading it. Unkind, unproductive comments will be deleted.
At this point I will say I believe it to be beyond reasonable for any doctor providing oncologic care to be aware not only of the incredible rate that cancers are being diagnosed, but also the speed with which they are progressing, and the iatrogenic connection to the injectable products given to the world.
Despite their personal opinion, at the very least, I would expect a doctor truly interested in healing his patient, to investigate the claims regarding the adverse affects of the Covid injections.
The day before Thanksgiving of 2023, this client was my last client of the day. During her workout I noticed a small mole on her foot that I had never noticed. As I have mentioned in prior posts, my dad was a dermatologist. He died of melanoma. My brother is a dermatologist. I am always taking notice of feet, tops of ears, backs of arms, etc…and on more than one occasion it has served my clients in early diagnosis of a cancer.
On this particular occasion I was immediately quite concerned. There was a large halo, irregular borders, a dark center, and a palpable lump. This woman had already been through so much and I didn’t want to alarm her, however learning that she had previously had a basal cell that required mohs, and that NOBODY had done a full body skin check following here S4 squamous cell, I felt compelled to communicate the urgency I thought necessary. She agreed to call the dermatologist after her session.
I’m sharing a picture of the nefarious mole in question, in hopes that it will help someone else. These fuckers can be so small and so easy to overlook.
BY A LAY PERSON.
Over text that evening she let me know that her dermatologist couldn’t get her in until late January. This was unacceptable to me.
At this point I sent the picture above and several others to my dermatologist brother (who was awaiting deployment overseas) to make sure that I wasn’t overreacting.
He immediately responded and assured me that I was not overreacting, advising the appropriate verbiage to get an earlier appointment.
After many calls, and irritating insistence from a nosy pilates instructor, she got into the dermatologist in late December.
In the meantime, she heard from her oncologist about the her post treatment follow up, which was exciting.
Only to hear back from the dermatologist shortly thereafter.
And here is where I start to get pretty angry...
Sorry about that accidental call from the front desk. Ooopsies. It might be cancer. The mole’s weird.
IT’S WEIRD?!?!??! NO FUCKING SHIT. Thanks.
This amazing woman rolled right through this infuriating and mishandled situation with grace and integrity that I can only hope to have. Her optimism and brightness is exceptional and admirable in every way.
She recently learned that her daughter is soon to be engaged and that wedding plans will commence in the near future.
Over Christmas she found out that she will be grandmother to her third grandchild, and just last week discovered that additionally a surprise number four grandchild will also be joining the family.
Here is a picture of her foot that she sent yesterday when she was booking sessions for next week…just noting that she would only be able to do Redcord, as it involves no pressure on the bottom of feet.
I’m almost speechless.
Almost.
What happened to doctors?
What part of this situation and this individual said, MEH🤷🏻♀️…it’s probably nothing?????????
I’ll answer.
NO PART.
This woman had:
prior basal cell that required mohs
squamous cell that presented at STAGE FOUR
rapidly changing/concerning lesion with
irregular borders
dark center
varying color
brown
dark brown/black
grey
large halo
palpable lump
suppressed immunity due to very recent chemotherapy
I mean, I’m no doctor, but that seems like MORE THAN ENOUGH REASON to see her IMMEDIATELY.
I tried to write this last night but I couldn’t. I was too angry to make rational sentences.
I understand that the system is fucked. BUT WHERE ARE THE DOCTORS????
Why didn’t SOMEONE do a full body scan???
Why is the pilates instructor the one that is yelling about this?????
I’m not finished. Within weeks of my client’s cancer diagnosis in June of 2023, her sister was diagnosed with endometrial cancer. Stage 3. Treatment was surgery; chemo and radiation not necessary.
Upon hearing about this, I expressed my assumption that they would be doing the more traditional surgical approach versus the robotic surgery due to the cancer aspect. This involves a large incision and a longer recovery time, but doesn’t use a blender morcellator that could potentially spread the cancer.
A morcellator is a surgical instrument used for division and removal of large masses of tissues during laparoscopic surgery. In laparoscopic hysterectomy the uterus is cut up in strips, or morcellated, into smaller pieces inside the patient's abdominal cavity in order to extract from the abdomen.
To my surprise, although I’m not sure why I’m surprised anymore, the surgeon advertised and encouraged the Da Vinci surgery. I recommend that every woman read Everything Below the Waist by Jennifer Block, which I mentioned to my client. I also referred her to The Bleeding Edge, a documentary on Netflix exploring the medical device industry.
My sister in law’s mother had a hysterectomy when she discovered that she had ovarian cancer. She had the Da Vinci surgery. Cancer was splattered throughout her abdominal cavity and she died a very painful, untimely death as a result, leaving behind her husband, four children and five grandchildren. The statute of limitations in conveniently one year in that state (Ohio), far too short for the family to file a lawsuit.
Despite these concerns, my client’s sister had the robotic surgery and received a “very successful” report. At a follow up, she was informed that actually cancer was now around her stomach and within the suture site. My client said she almost couldn’t believe her ears because it so closely echoed my concerns. She wondered how could this doctor, delivering this news, could not be aware of this?
Her sister started radiation several weeks ago.
I’m sure that this has nothing to do with it 🙄…but I’m just wondering how much more revenue is accrued with this additional treatment, and whatever subsequent treatments, from this treatment, that will follow…
I couldn’t save my mom.
And I’ve given up trying to save the ones that are taking every booster and six shots on a Wednesday evening. These people are gone.
But I’m not just giving up on people though.
My God, WHERE ARE THE DOCTORS that swore first to DO NO HARM?
What are they telling themselves to sleep at night? How can they not see this?
And why are they not fighting?
I couldn’t save my mom….
But there are so many moms that have beautiful lives to live.
And daughters that need them.
I hope that my relentless pursuit of the truth, and what is right, not what is easy (or financially beneficial), makes her proud.
This post strikes a number of chords with me and is unsurpisingly unsurprising. I'll briefly share related comments regarding some shared experiences.
I have multiple chemical sensitivity, which many years ago was seen as a part of a new paradigm of diseases along with chronic fatigue syndrome and fibromyalgia. A mechanism was proposed in 2002 by a microbiologist at Washington State University who published a book about it in 2007.
Explaining Unexplained Illnesses: Disease Paradigm for Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Multiple Chemical Sensitivity, Fibromyalgia, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Gulf War Syndrome and Others
https://www.amazon.ca/Explaining-Unexplained-Illnesses-Fibromyalgia-Post-Traumatic/dp/0789023881
There used to be a succinct explanation on his page at the University of Washington, but the page was repeatedly hacked and has long 'unexisted'. Why might that be? Because it implicates the chemical industry in the cause. The chemical industry and the pharmaceutical industries are essentially one and the same and a brief review of how the chemical industry drove MCS denial is straight out of tobacco science, and is an advanced blueprint for what we're currently seeing in pharma in general, and the covid vaccines specifically. This summary is written by a physician who has MCS:
MULTIPLE CHEMICAL SENSITIVITIES UNDER SIEGE
https://annmccampbellmd.com/publicationswritings/publication-1/
The quickie version: deny the existence of the problem by claiming that there's no supportive data for it long before supportive data is even sought. MDs stake their reputations on it. Media carries articles about it while carrying water for industry: they'll offer phony concern for victims while ALWAYS protecting industry by describing the conditions as "controversial". Just like vaccine harms. When supportive data is revealed, the denial machine is already a perpetual motion machine, powered by staked reputations..
OMG, the morcellator. It would be laughable to consider this device in context of the naively believed phrase "surgical precision". It's very fitting that these devices are used on OB/GYN surgeries because during, my brief time as an OR nurse, it was easy to see that there was no surgeon field that had such a predominance of hack surgeons as GYN. Laparoscopic hysterectomies were often a joke as the surgeons was way out of their leagues at doing the procedure laparoscopically, as evidenced by the fact that they'd always "finish" the surgery, i.e. perform most of it, in normal fashion. It's almost like they were practicing on their patients to get better. Maybe they should have gotten more practice in training? I'm not the only one who thought so. Almost 20 years after my stint there comes this:
Is surgical training in ob/gyn residency adequate?
https://www.contemporaryobgyn.net/view/surgical-training-obgyn-residency-adequate
Another commonly used OB/GYN device is the endometrial ablation unit. A casually common phrase for electrosurgery units was "slash and burn". The endometrial ablation unit is "slash and burn" without the "slash". Again, almost 20 years after my stint of seeing an endless parade of ablation cases comes this:
Endometrial Ablation – Hysterectomy Alternative or Trap?
https://www.hormonesmatter.com/endometrial-ablation-hysterectomy-alternative-or-trap/
A side note on that subject: there were a number of ways that manufacturers would burn off endometrial tissue. One way was to insert a balloon in the uterus and fill it with scalding saline and hold it there under pressure. When I was a biomedical technician, I'd occasionally get calls about the units losing pressure in the middle of a case, leading to a failed procedure. I never found a problem with the unit, nor did the manufacturer when I sent one in. Finally, I was called promptly enough to get to the OR as the staff was cleaning up and the anesthetist was giving her report. As the nurse explained the problem to me, I overhead the anesthetist say that the surgeon asked her to give the patient a drug to stop her from shaking in the middle of the case. I couldn't believe me ears: the drug that they give is a muscle relaxant. The uterus is largely muscle. What do you think happens to your uterine pressure when the uterus is relaxed?
FDA device approvals LOL. I was tasked with the responsibility of overseeing the safety of a class of devices after a nurse inadvertently killed a patient with one. My first order of business was to ensure that would be no more such mistakes, but the chief MD would have no part of this solution. "The guru" who designed it doesn't do it that way. The guru, another MD, invented the device, which was used nationwide. I was pretty miffed because not only would my solution work, but in the process of coming up with it, I found that all of the doctors who used the device were unknowingly under-treating all of their patients. I poured through the journals that documented the use of the device and I found that the entire premise was flawed. I called the guru and I asked him if he was aware of this flaw and if he was concerned. He said, "no", chuckled, and said "no". I decided to wait for his next move and soon the device was removed from the market.
I wondered "how the hell could the FDA have approved this device?" After reading the device approval and a few other device approvals, I realized that the people at the FDA had no fucking idea how these things worked beyond what the manufacturers told them. I asked my boss if he was aware of the this and he shifted uncomfortabley an said, "yeah".
An entirely unrelated footnote: A post-surgical patient died. The hospital administration decided to imply that the cause was one of my devices without actually saying that the device failed. I had a paper trail proving that it didn't fail, but all they wanted was to plant the implication to the public because they couldn't "afford to lose the public trust". Why would that happen? Because when the patient was showing signs of internal bleeding one night, the surgeon on call refused to get out of bed to save him. I was extremely vocal about the hospital's response, so they fired me. It didn't matter that they were violating their own policies in the process. My attorney said I was right and theoretically I should win the case, but the hospital is too powerful and I could never afford to pursue it.
The "surgery" on that poor woman's foot looks like the bloody cat did it. Prayers for your Mum.👍🇦🇺